rejection

What rejection can do to the soul. It can rip it apart and rend it in half. It can leave it isolated and longing for an identity. Rejection can keep the good out and let the bad in. Flooding the mind and soul with thoughts and feelings of lonliness, pain, and bitterness. It has no preference of its person. It comes to steal, kill, and destroy the soul.

But God...

Only the Creator can cure such a wound. He knows its intricacies and battle wounds by heart. NOTHING is hid from Him. And nothing is insignificant to Him. It all matters to Him. And He is here to heal the brokenhearted and to bind up their wounds. His love covers all things. He covers all your wounds with Love and the Blood and it heals. He sees the wounds, the devestation, and has nothing but love for you. He is here to heal. Let Him?

Hot Sauce

My anger, always angry, or irritated. Why is that? How am I suppose to nuture this soul, make it strong and open and loving, when all I am is irritated? Help me Lord. I don't want to be angry anymore. I am living in a dessert place where your precense and people are few and far between. I feel misunderstood and rejectd by everyone around me. They don't know the things I see and what they mean. They think me weird. How to be what you made me and not be a social outcast. That is one I don't know yet. I wish I were with people of like mind, but you have me here to inluence those around me. Influence them through me Lord, because I have no influence left. Feed my daughter through me Lord when I feel I have nothing for her. When I feel the rejection and misunderstanding around me takes everything from me, please let Your kingdom come through me.

The King Walks In

What happens when the King walks in? I sat in a service full of worship and praise when Love and Peace walked in. He walked in front of me and His precense pressed against my chest. I was in wonderment that my flesh felt His precense, His passing by. He walked in. He came. And I wept with the joy of feeling His company once again. He loves me and to say I love Him would only be putting it in terms which seem to small to comprehend the profoundness. I love Him because He first loved me. How could you not love Him when He comes for YOU and love is all you feel from the one who created you? The King walked in and came for me. The King walked in and loved me. The King walked in and found me. He knew where I was the whole time.

these feet

These feet. They go many places. Go in the Name of the Lord! Move forward for His purpose. He has one for you, you know? Go up the mountains and through the valleys. Go where he leads you and your soul will find contentment in life. Learn to trust His voice. It will not lead you astray. He has more for you then you know. Go with Him these feet. Go with Him.

a quest for life

There is life there. I know it is somewhere. Looking, looking way down deep. Trying to pull it up from the depths. Trying to keep graspe of it. Then the light shines through. Bright beautiful life. The warmth of the light brings safety and strength. And it comes up willingly. Able to reach the top without effort.

Lord, shine your light on the dark places. Bring Your light where there is only darkness in my heart, so that life may spring forth effortlessly. Bring Your new life.

the piece

Your home should be a haven. Mine doesn't always feel that way right now. It is small and we are crampt in it. There are many projects that need to be addressed and updates and upkeeps that need decided upon. But this amoire is one piece in my home that when I look at I feel a sense of calmness come over me. I love this piece. The first time I saw it - it was love at first sight - and the price was reasonable. It is a large piece, but I have never regretted buying it. Right now it houses all our shoes. A beautiful place that has kept the shoes we walk the day in, and night. And as we keep walking throughout our lives.

Join Emily at http://www.chattingatthesky.com/ for Glimpses of Home linky. Thanks Emily for this thoughtful idea.

anger

Today the anger spills out of me. I am unable to stop its ferocious pace and it bypasses all my self-made dams and barges, trying to control it, it bursts through and spills out onto everyone in its path. It seems so strong and feels like it damages not only me but, everyone it touches. I am unable to control it. I have reached my limit as a momma who stays inside all day with a little one who is always trying to gain control, always pushing, always searching out the new, getting into everything, pulling things down, pouring things out, breaking things, screaming, yelling. I have been pushed to my limit over and over and over. I haven't had a break and my patience seems to have left long ago, so I am in survival mode, trying at every turn to control the anger building inside of me. It is growing with ferocity, until finally, it cannot be contained anymore, and it bursts out in all it's ugliness, leaving a path of destruction behind it.

Lord Jesus, I lay before you. Open and vulnerable. I need your help. I cannot do it alone. It is ugly and destructive and it needs Your redemption, Your forgiveness. Forgive me Father for I have sinned and I need You.

The Cross.

I surrender. I forgive.


I choose to unlock the door of my heart where the pain is hidden. To let go. To give it to You, Lord Jesus. Take it. It is Yours. I surrender my heart and all that is within it. I surrender my running from it. And choose Your path Lord. I choose to forgive.

i went. i spoke. i conquered.

Yes, I went and spoke at my friend's funeral (through fear and trembling), in the church that we left on not so good terms (heartbreaking), and did it all. by. myself. (Hubby was out of town with Hot Sauce and Chocolate Chip). Wheewh!

With that said, it was the most amazing funeral service I have ever witnessed. It truly was an amazing tribute to the life of an amazing man of God and I am so glad I went! I am so thankful the Lord gave me the opportunity to speak there and to be apart of the ceremony. It was so special. I cried the whole time.

Thank you Lord for granting me grace, for giving me boldness, and for allowing me to honor my friend today.

fears

Today I was asked to speak at the funeral of my friend. It makes me very nervous. First, I have to return to a church where we left because of backbiting and gossiping and defamation of character. Then I have to stand in front of all those people and speak (public speaking is one of my fears!). God help me. Help me face my fears and stand strong.

Its funny though, I want to do it for my friend. I want to speak on behalf of his life because it was such an inspiring one to me. I want to honor him even if it means facing some of my greatest fears.

God help me be strong. Give my Your peace and boldness. Give me the ability to speak elloquently in front of all those people. Still my beating heart.

grief

Today I am greiving the loss of a friend who died of cancer. I wish I could have seen him one more time to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I appreciated him warring for me, how much I appreciate what he went through to gain the spiritual authority to pray for me and so many others. I would have thanked him for being my friend, for loving me and how I loved him right back. How he was like having a heavy weight champion in my corner all the time. How I use to love to see his eyes light up when he saw me, and how clear his eyes were and full of life, yet how gentle and humble and loving he was. Such a mighty warrior for the Kingdom of God. I feel such an absence in the spirit. An absence in the place where he use to stand.

Go my friend! Go to Jesus! Be FREE!!! I will see you later there.

in the nothing

Today I spent the day with Hot Sauce (7) and Chocolate Chip (2) (my daughters, but not their real names. Wouldn't that be funny if it were their real names? Ha!) Hot Sauce was home from school today because she didn't feel so good last night. We all spent the day around the house practicing the art of doing nothing. We enjoyed the nothing. We connected in the nothing. All of us needing it - to connect, to be together, carefree, doing nothing. I put them to bed and instead of feeling the ususal drain, I feel refreshed. I am thankful today for the nothing.

relax

The Lord sees you and says, "Relax." You have been carrying the load. You have been standing for your family. He is saying, "I have your back. You can relax now. You can relax. You have been carrying the burden, standing as a pilar for your family during this time. You have given it all your strength. Your unwavering dedication is admirable and has not gone unnoticed. I see what you have done and I am here. I have you. I have your family. Release the fears. It is time. I am here now. I am here. It is now time to relax."

little arms

Yesterday - grumpy, crabby, mad at everyone. Me, sitting on bedroom floor. In walks Chocolate Chip (my two year old, but thats not really her name). She senses Mommy is upset with life. She walks up to me and softly puts her arms around my neck. We are chest to chest, spirit to spirit - connected. She whispers in my ear, "Mommy, I love you." She wants to comfort me and begins to sing "Jesus loves me this I know." Sweet little Chocolate Chip. My heart melts from her love. Jesus sent me a little messenger today with a big message, "He loves me."

connect

Since I made it a point to connect with others more this year, it seems like it has gotten harder. I gave it to the Lord and it has gotten harder. I have been fighting my very thoughts against what seems like a titlewave of rejection and insecurity. My goodness... WAIT! THAT'S IT: goodness! God must have goodness that will come from this, my efforts, my woundedness. Isn't that what happens when you give your weakness to the Lord? It rises to Him as an offering and He is allowed in.

a friend

I went to pray for a friend today with cancer. The Lord showed up with His presence and fire as we prayed and we all were blessed. My husband and I both get qweezy-weezy when we go into hospitals and faint cold at the sight of blood. What a couple, huh? I said, "are you sure you want us to come?" ha ha ha! Really, I count it a privilege to go and pray for this man who is a mighty warrior for the Lord. He is the one I always go to when no one else can help. He and his wife are so full of compassion and love and WAR, and battle on levels no other man I know can stand. Thank you my friend for your friendship, love and prayers throughout the years. I am so very grateful for you!

heaven sees

God sees it all. He sees you and all you've done. He sees your heart and all it has kept. He sees your mind and all it thinks. I once read that in heaven our thoughts are heard louder than our words. Even in knowing that, and knowing that my thoughts are not always so nice (i.e. the driver in front of me, or Ms. Holier-than-thou), He still loves me and will not reject me. He sees it all and loves everything about me. He knows me and I know Him.

the new year

My word for the new year is CONNECT. This is the word I will focus on this year instead of resolutions and all that. I will try to focus more on when my kids, friends, family, try to connnect with me and be more aware of this and try to focus on connecting with others more also. It is so important and I have not been good at doing it lately. Too wrapped up in rejection and self-protection. I lay that down Lord and choose to connect with those you put in my path. To risk it all to connect with those you want me to touch and those you want to touch me. I open my heart to you and choose to connect and to risk and to love.