Friday, February 19, 2010


Today the anger spills out of me. I am unable to stop its ferocious pace and it bypasses all my self-made dams and barges, trying to control it, it bursts through and spills out onto everyone in its path. It seems so strong and feels like it damages not only me but, everyone it touches. I am unable to control it. I have reached my limit as a momma who stays inside all day with a little one who is always trying to gain control, always pushing, always searching out the new, getting into everything, pulling things down, pouring things out, breaking things, screaming, yelling. I have been pushed to my limit over and over and over. I haven't had a break and my patience seems to have left long ago, so I am in survival mode, trying at every turn to control the anger building inside of me. It is growing with ferocity, until finally, it cannot be contained anymore, and it bursts out in all it's ugliness, leaving a path of destruction behind it.

Lord Jesus, I lay before you. Open and vulnerable. I need your help. I cannot do it alone. It is ugly and destructive and it needs Your redemption, Your forgiveness. Forgive me Father for I have sinned and I need You.

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