a quest for life

There is life there. I know it is somewhere. Looking, looking way down deep. Trying to pull it up from the depths. Trying to keep graspe of it. Then the light shines through. Bright beautiful life. The warmth of the light brings safety and strength. And it comes up willingly. Able to reach the top without effort.

Lord, shine your light on the dark places. Bring Your light where there is only darkness in my heart, so that life may spring forth effortlessly. Bring Your new life.

the piece

Your home should be a haven. Mine doesn't always feel that way right now. It is small and we are crampt in it. There are many projects that need to be addressed and updates and upkeeps that need decided upon. But this amoire is one piece in my home that when I look at I feel a sense of calmness come over me. I love this piece. The first time I saw it - it was love at first sight - and the price was reasonable. It is a large piece, but I have never regretted buying it. Right now it houses all our shoes. A beautiful place that has kept the shoes we walk the day in, and night. And as we keep walking throughout our lives.

Join Emily at http://www.chattingatthesky.com/ for Glimpses of Home linky. Thanks Emily for this thoughtful idea.

anger

Today the anger spills out of me. I am unable to stop its ferocious pace and it bypasses all my self-made dams and barges, trying to control it, it bursts through and spills out onto everyone in its path. It seems so strong and feels like it damages not only me but, everyone it touches. I am unable to control it. I have reached my limit as a momma who stays inside all day with a little one who is always trying to gain control, always pushing, always searching out the new, getting into everything, pulling things down, pouring things out, breaking things, screaming, yelling. I have been pushed to my limit over and over and over. I haven't had a break and my patience seems to have left long ago, so I am in survival mode, trying at every turn to control the anger building inside of me. It is growing with ferocity, until finally, it cannot be contained anymore, and it bursts out in all it's ugliness, leaving a path of destruction behind it.

Lord Jesus, I lay before you. Open and vulnerable. I need your help. I cannot do it alone. It is ugly and destructive and it needs Your redemption, Your forgiveness. Forgive me Father for I have sinned and I need You.

The Cross.

I surrender. I forgive.


I choose to unlock the door of my heart where the pain is hidden. To let go. To give it to You, Lord Jesus. Take it. It is Yours. I surrender my heart and all that is within it. I surrender my running from it. And choose Your path Lord. I choose to forgive.

i went. i spoke. i conquered.

Yes, I went and spoke at my friend's funeral (through fear and trembling), in the church that we left on not so good terms (heartbreaking), and did it all. by. myself. (Hubby was out of town with Hot Sauce and Chocolate Chip). Wheewh!

With that said, it was the most amazing funeral service I have ever witnessed. It truly was an amazing tribute to the life of an amazing man of God and I am so glad I went! I am so thankful the Lord gave me the opportunity to speak there and to be apart of the ceremony. It was so special. I cried the whole time.

Thank you Lord for granting me grace, for giving me boldness, and for allowing me to honor my friend today.

fears

Today I was asked to speak at the funeral of my friend. It makes me very nervous. First, I have to return to a church where we left because of backbiting and gossiping and defamation of character. Then I have to stand in front of all those people and speak (public speaking is one of my fears!). God help me. Help me face my fears and stand strong.

Its funny though, I want to do it for my friend. I want to speak on behalf of his life because it was such an inspiring one to me. I want to honor him even if it means facing some of my greatest fears.

God help me be strong. Give my Your peace and boldness. Give me the ability to speak elloquently in front of all those people. Still my beating heart.

grief

Today I am greiving the loss of a friend who died of cancer. I wish I could have seen him one more time to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I appreciated him warring for me, how much I appreciate what he went through to gain the spiritual authority to pray for me and so many others. I would have thanked him for being my friend, for loving me and how I loved him right back. How he was like having a heavy weight champion in my corner all the time. How I use to love to see his eyes light up when he saw me, and how clear his eyes were and full of life, yet how gentle and humble and loving he was. Such a mighty warrior for the Kingdom of God. I feel such an absence in the spirit. An absence in the place where he use to stand.

Go my friend! Go to Jesus! Be FREE!!! I will see you later there.